


A Muscle and Nerve

by Mesmeret



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Bad Flirting, Emotional Castiel, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Orphans, Protective Dean Winchester, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Slow Build, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 12:43:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/811721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mesmeret/pseuds/Mesmeret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean lost his parents, he dropped out of high school at 16 and took care of Sammy. He had no priority over others anymore until Sam forced him to go to college at 27.<br/>When Castiel's parents died when he was 12, he developed severe anxiety, OCD, and depression. He is too afraid to hurt himself or others, instead he tends to go catatonic. His siblings tried their best, but only his cat Damocles can approach him. He only finds safety in his studies and Damocles' fur. He is too terrified to be impressed that he is now 19 and a sophomore in college.<br/>This is the story where two lonely men experience friendship with a stranger for the first time. And subconsciously help heal from their traumas.<br/>Written for Magoro on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1.0

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, dear reader. This is my first real multi-chapter fic. Ahhhh~! 
> 
> Please, please go follow Magoro and PolaroidCas on Tumblr. They are wonderful and you should let them know that.

He stumbled into the lecture hall late. Again. But so did a few other students. He looked around to see if anyone recognizable was there. He saw the dark haired guy in the sweater vest tapping the table lightly three rows down. He remembered getting the guy’s number during a party a few months back. He scrolled down his contacts list trying to remember the guy’s name. Cas-something… But Dean had a good five entries with people who had names that started with Cas. He was pretty bored and the professor was too caught up in his lecture. So Dean whispered yelled “Cas!”

The guy turned his head back with a tilt. Confused blue eyes bored into Dean. “What’s your full name, dude?”

The guy whispered back in a very deep voice, “Castiel. Why is this of importance?”

Dean grins back and answers via text, [Im bored and u seem like a talker]

Soon he got a text back. [This is highly inappropriate. Who are you?]

[Name’s Dean. Castiel is a cool name. Cas is awesome tho] He watched Cas read his texts with a mutual small smile.

[Hello, Dean. Why aren’t you paying attention to the lecture? It is interesting.]

[If its so interesting, y u texting me?] Cas looks up at him with a shy smile. The guy sitting next to Dean mutters “Player” under his breath but Dean ignores him and waits for the next text.

[Touché. Want to get coffee afterwards? I’ll catch you up on this lecture since you came in late.]

[Its a date ;)] 


	2. Day 1.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean sees Castiel as sane while Castiel sees how messy Dean's notes are.

Castiel sat at the table facing the entrance of the school coffee shop. He was re-resorting his notes and pens again. This time blues to blacks for pens and numerical order of handouts. His OCD was how people labeled him. He just wanted to be prepared for the future since he wasn't prepared for his parents' untimely demise. And sometimes that meant turning cups three times to the left before drinking or cutting his food into scalene triangles before he ate each bite. He was on edge today for actually talking to Dean. Dean seemed chaotic and dangerous to Castiel. The more he thought about the guy, the more he felt like a moth to the flame. He was about to grab all of his stuff and run off when a black duffel bag thumped down next to his black backpack. “Hey, sorry for keeping you waiting.”

“Oh, that’s fine. I wasn’t here for long.” Castiel lied while handing Dean the notebook with color coded notes. Dean took it with a chuckle but set it aside. Castiel fidgeted a little seeing that one of the corners was folded a little now.

“Straight to business I see. I need coffee. Um, do you want a refill?” He stood back up.

“Uh, I am fine. Thank you.” Castiel hated when more than one person aside himself touched food or drink. He waited until Dean was gone before leaning forward and smoothed the corner of his notebook with great care. He finished his tea by the time Dean came back with a black coffee and a cherry danish.

“So, was the professor going over what we read for homework?” He looked at Castiel’s notes to see if his hunch was correct while eating the pastry.

“Yes, we did go over the seventh chapter in the Williams Textbook. He was also comparing it to Carter’s case study.” Castiel handed over the corresponding xerox. Dean was still reading Castiel’s notes and blindly grabbed for the paper. Instead he grabbed Castiel’s hand and wrinkled the paper a bit. Castiel freaked out internally but breathed just like how Dr. Louis taught him. “Heh. Sorry, dude. I really should pay more attention to things.” Dean took the paper and smoothed it out while reading it.

Castiel was feeling more uncomfortable as the silence continued. He started his light finger tapping while Dean pulled out his own notebook and started jotting down notes. Dean’s handwriting was boyish, the opposite of the man sitting in front of him. In fact, Dean looked much older for a sophomore in college. “How old are you?”

Dean looks up at him with a raised brow, “Where did that come from?” Castiel shrugged but never broke his stare. “I’m 28.”

“Were you in the army?” Castiel asked. He was trying to figure out an explanation. He needed one. Dean didn’t fit into Castiel’s logic.

“Nah, I have been working to get my little brother through college and now he’s getting me through it.” He laughs with fondness in his eyes. Castiel was silently musing over it while Dean continued note taking.  That was not right. Dean seemed to be a self absorbed man, not someone who would pause his life for someone else. Castiel drummed his fingers faster when he thought of Dean taking care of him. That thought was highly inappropriate and illogical.

By the time Dean was done with his notes and his coffee, he had gotten used to Castiel’s stare. It soon felt comforting. Dean wasn’t used to being someone’s center of attention. He lowered his head down towards the notebook to try to hide his blush before looking back up at Castiel.  ”I’m done.”

“I’m 19.” Castiel replied before realizing it. Dean froze and nodded slowly.

“Yeah, most sophomores tend to be 19, I guess. Did you mean anything by saying that?”

“No.” Cas sighed. “Yes. Maybe?” He started tidying up his stuff into his backpack while the anxiety build up in his stomach. Dean seemed to handle it well by helping him clean up.

“Well, now we know each other’s age. Why don’t we get to know each other better?” Dean asked in his most charming voice. Unfortunately it made Castiel rush quicker. Sooner than Dean wanted, the dark haired boy left him alone. Some girls who watched Castiel’s exit gave Dean mixed looks of sympathy and jealousy. Dean looked back at his notebook and froze. He used Castiel’s pen. He still had Castiel’s pen.


	3. Day 3.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi: Dean is pansexual and has a tendency to hypersexualize things since sex is his only sense of companionship.

Dean was confused by Castiel and to be honest, a little hurt. He prided himself for having a trustworthy reputation. But Castiel seemed to think of him as a jerk.

Dean even showed up to the next lecture a little early with the black pen. He looked around as people started to fill the rows. To his dismay, Castiel didn't show up. Dean was stuck listening to the professor rattle on about some study about marshmallows for an hour. By that time, he was fidgeting with his phone under the table, trying to decide on texting Castiel or not. When the professor continued on his marshmallow diatribe, Dean started nervously texting. [Hey I got ur pen. U not in class? :(]

He closed his phone and squeezed it tightly hoping for the vibrations of Castiel's answer. As time went by, Dean's eyes started to droop. -bzzzt- He woke up instantly and opened his phone to see an incoming text

[I am sorry. I forgot it during yesterday's rush. I do not attend Thursday classes due to unavoidable circumstances. Keep the pen.]

Dean read the most eloquent text he's read to date. Castiel wrote with finesse that Dean would never have. He remembered Castiel's notes and even the addendums were scripted, not scribbled. After Dean got out of his musings, he thought of a way to respond. Castiel was a bit mysterious. Like a spy. Dean grinned at the thought. He remembered young Q in the latest Bond flick. Castiel shared a slight resemblance to the character. [Secret agent business? ;) If u tell me, will I die in a unfortunate accident? FYI, I am using the pen, so thnx.]

\---

Castiel stared at his phone through bleary eyes in shock. Was Dean making fun of him?! He couldn't figure it out. It hurt to much. He was still curled up in his blankets and quilts. Seven of them to be specific. He felt safe with seven but eight crushed him. He would've snuck to school and grabbed his pen, but he woke up from a dream that was awful. No, he's lying, it was almost perfect. He had felt weight shift on the bed and then on top of him. He figured it was Damocles, his 8 year old cat, but there was a very human chuckle against the shell of his ear, "Mornin' sleepy head." Castiel felt the warmth and pressure of a man laying on him. It was Dean.

Castiel felt dirty with the realization and woke into a panic attack. Damocles dutifully pawed up to his face and licked his nose. The cat was his savior more times than not. He was able to sit up and press the start button on the electric tea kettle on his bedside table. He was shocked to see that he overslept that morning. Probably because of the warmth of the dream he thought. He glanced to see if his therapist called but instead found a text from Dean. He felt uncomfortable and ashamed. Too many emotions trapped inside him by the time the second text arrived. He looked over at Damocles who was cleaning himself in the morning light. Sure, Castiel was a secret agent.

[You would never see it coming. Did the notes help?]

A few seconds later, his phone lit up. [yep. Tho he is talking about marshmallows and how tempting they are. Wtf? I kno a lot of things more tempting than a marshmallow. ;)]

Castiel shuddered reading the text. He hissed softly as the shudder led to jostling the kettle as he poured hot water into his instant oatmeal. He got a little on his hand. The burn was okay, just a sign that he doesn't deserve a man like Dean. But the curiosity of what Dean meant ate away at Castiel. [What is better than a marshmallow, Dean?] He stared at his phone as he took the first bite of oatmeal. Then a stong urge, similar to the one that got him to ask Dean out for coffee, hit him. [Maybe someone to share it with?]

\----

Dean had been looking at the clock to his right. Only a half hour left of this and then he could finally go to work and figure out what was the problem of the week with Mr. Henry's Nissan truck. -bzzzt- He looked down at his phone. Castiel was cute sometimes. What is better than a marshmallow, Dean? Oh, so many things. The top few answers in Dean's head involved a blushing blue eyed man. He was trying to figure out the best answer when he got another text. That one made something stir a little more strongly inside Dean. Would it be bad to tell a near perfect stranger that he wouldn't mind French kissing them with a marshmallow between them? He was pathetic sometimes. He thought of something more romantic than filthy sexy hot to say. He blushed lightly once he came to what exactly he wanted to tell Castiel.

\----

[how about curling up to a fire in the summer night, Roasting marshmallows for s'mores? U had s'mores? I'd like that with u. :)]  

Castiel felt himself blush deeply at the sentiment. He felt a little uncomfortable though. Campfires are dirty, smoky, unsafe.  He felt his breath quicken in the bad way. But Dean sent him a new text.

[was that too bold? Class out. Gtg work. Ttyl? :)]

Castiel felt a little comfortable to tell a white lie to Dean, [I can not handle smoke. I have not had a s'more but I have had all the ingredients separately. I prefer graham crackers. Drive safely. I should be available tonight to text.]

[Graham crackers? U like them over chocolate??? Wtf? Is that a requirement to b a secret agent spy? Jk. Ttyl ;)]

Castiel realized Dean was being genuine. It felt good to laugh a little in his quiet apartment. He had his appointment with Dr. Louis at 3. It was currently 1:33. If he did all of his safe measures, he'd get there 12 minutes ahead of time. He cleaned the throw away oatmeal cup before placing it into the garbage pail in his kitchenette and headed to his bathroom to shower. Looking in the mirror, he was startled to see a smile instead of a frown.

 


	4. Day 3.5

Work was Dean's stability in his life. Family came and went. Women came, lied about it to just leave him bitter and empty. He wouldn't consider himself lonely because he had work. He would joke with the other mechanics, chat up the bored soccer moms during his break, or sweet talk Jo in the office. He never really had friends because who would want to hang out with someone at their work after school? Sammy was concerned about him when he visited after graduation at Stanford. Dean tried so hard to stay in denial of how empty his life was. Thanks to Sammy being a giant, Dean was shoved into his car and driven to KU to be enrolled the next semester. All he had to present to the lady was his GED, drivers license, social security number, and address. He felt claustrophobic in the office  full of other administration people listening in at their desks and needed to get out. He squeezed back tears as he head Sammy as he left, "He's a proud blue collar type of guy. He deserves the education that I got thanks to his support."

Dean was freaked out thinking all of the ladies in that office thought he was an idiotic laborer. But to his surprise, Sammy's charisma and connections led to many wonderful friendships with the school administration for Dean. Who would think a high school dropout would chill with college administration? Mr. And Mrs. Henderson of enrollment helped him out immensely, especially when it came to him figuring out what the hell prerequisites were. Sarah Blake would ask him his opinion on the school newsletters or pamphlets before they got published en masse.

By the time he was a sophomore, he was working as campus security and admissions clerk along with his mechanic job. He liked to keep busy. He admittedly hated homework. Some of the eighteen year old girls in his year were smitten by him and would make homework a bit less painful with charades games or reading allowed the reading materials in a circle. He remember teasing Sammy about his little brother going to study groups. He now takes it all back. Study groups and parties were awesome.

As he finished cleaning the pesky old Nissan's brake pads, he saw a text from Abbie about coordinating a chemistry midterm study party. He rolled his eyes at her convoluted way of asking if he could host it at his house. Apparently being a homeowner was the envy of all college students. He wrote back a yes before cleaning up his work station. Dean mused if Castiel was taking Chemistry. He looked back at the clock. 6 pm. [Hey, secret agent. Do you have chem 2A/b? I'm throwing a study party with friends. :) It's going to be awesome. No idea wat we b studying but the party part will b cool. ;)]

With that, he nodded his goodbyes to Ellen and Bobby on his way out to his car. As he slipped the keys into the ignition, he had a foriegn thought. Well, foreign to him.

'I want to know more about Castiel before I kiss him while eating that s'more'. 

\-----

Castiel had managed to get to Dr. Louis' office at 2:45. He felt a little uneasy. Was he suppose to spend those extra 3 three minutes on cleaning his teeth? Was there something in his teeth? He started to look around the waiting room and try to casually pull out his emergency kit. It was an old makeup case from his cousin Anna. It had a compact mirror, toothpicks, hand sanitizer, disposal bags, tissues, a nail file, travel toothbrush and paste, mouth wash, Chapstick, and q-tips. He slipped out a tooth pick and the mirror before putting the bag away in his backpack. He examined his teeth in the mirror. No sign of embarrassment. Just perfect teeth. But to be sure, he started worrying his gums with the toothpick. No blood, no gingivitis. He was such a good boy today. He started swinging his legs while finishing up with the toothpick. The other patients were busy with their own neurosis. Castiel had to swallow the urge to tell everyone he was happy today. Instead he waited to say it when Dr. Louis opened the door.

"And why are you happy today, Castiel?" The wizened old psychotherapist looked at the young man who was uncharacteristically grinning.

"My friend Dean doesn't think I'm crazy! He thinks I'm a secret agent spy. He wants to eat s'mores with me but not at a dirty campsite." Castiel was far more talkative today. The doctor looked through his file, no signs of imaginary friends. There must be a new saint in the world if Castiel had a friend he was this enthusiastic about.

"How did you meet Dean?"

"School. Our sociology course. He called out my name and started texting me in class." Castiel blushed. "I asked him out to help him with notes he missed in class."

"How did that go? Did he trigger anything?"

Castiel shook his head, "No, it was my fault." he looked down with a frown and started tapping on his knee. The doctor scribbled a note before continuing his questions, "Why would you say it was your fault, Castiel?"

"I-I told him I was 19 when he told me he was 28. It was stupid and awkward." He gave a stern nod, "So I left."

The doctor was fascinated by the range of emotions Castiel had for this man. Right after the stern look, he was blushing and twirling his fingers. "I forgot my black pen. 0.5 width Uniball ball point with a rubber grip for ergonomic comfort. He texted me today when he was in class that he had it. And he was using it. I told him to keep it. He told me thank you and asked me where I was."

"And where were you? Weren't you suppose to be in class this morning?"

Um, yes. I was suppose to. But I had a horrible dream and woke into a panic attack."

"What was it about?" The doctor knew he was taking a risk asking Castiel to relieve the dream. Many sessions ended with Castiel breaking down in fear due to recollecting dreams. It had to do with his subconscious bottling up the abusive childhood that triggered Castiel to slip into madness. This time, to the doctor's pleasant surprise, the boy scratched the back of his neck blushing.

"Um, so Dean woke me up with a back rub and song. At the moment, it was warm and good. But I don't deserve him. I can only be his friend."

How interesting. The Doctor wrote down the phrasing Castiel used. It was the first time Castiel talked about attraction. "And why don't you deserve him? Are you afraid he might think you are crazy?"

"He deserves a wife and kids. I am always afraid, Dr. Louis. You know that." Castiel frowned but continued talking, "I feel a little less crazy around him so then he would think I'm crazy."

"So he hasn't triggered anything yet for you?"

"No, he hasn't."

They share a look at each other before the doctor goes back to his notes. Castiel goes back to tapping his knee. "Well, when you want him to be your closest friend or more than friend, send him my way, okay?"

"But he isn't crazy!"

"No, but he will need to know about you and your afflictions sooner than later. I can even tell him I'm your secret agent handler." He smiled softly when he heard the covered giggled from the boy. He got his attention. Hopefully this Dean would be good for Castiel in the long run.

After a brief check up on meds, Castiel left the doctors office. He started to think about Dean more seriously. Would he and Damocles get along together? Would Dean be okay with his seven blankets and quilts? It was getting colder now that they were nearing winter. Maybe Dean would appreciate the warmth when they studied on the couch.

Wait, why was Castiel thinking of sharing his space with Dean?

He got home at 4:45 and did some homework. Around 6, he got a text from Dean. A party? Last one he went to, he doesn't remember half of it. He had gone catatonic and everyone thought he was drugged. This was a study party for chemistry. Castiel was in Chemistry 2B and was enjoying it a bit. They would only be talking about Chemistry. He could just hide with his textbook and note if it was too much. He will pack his security blanket for it. [I think I can handle that kind of party. When is it and what do I bring?]

 


	5. Day 3.9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First phone call. :')

Dean was excited that Castiel wanted to go to the party. He let Abbie know that he would have Castiel there. He got home and put some leftover spaghetti into the microwave before checking his phone. [OMG CASTIEL?!!!]

[whoa there, Abs. He is in 2b and is my friend.] He pulled out the hot pasta and placed it on the counter to get a beer. He settled down on his couch.

[HOW R U HIS FRIEND? HE HAS A GLASS BOX AROUND HIM!!!] Dean's heart was fluttering at that. Castiel deemed him okay enough to spend time with? He grinned while nibbling his lower lip.

[Nothing is impenetrable for the Winchester ;)]

[U WANT 2 SLEEP WIT HIM?!?! DEAN! DON'T! HE'S CRAZY!] Dean mentally froze at that. Castiel just seemed shy and awkward, not crazy. Maybe Castiel was like a black widow or something. Dean shrugged at that thought. At least he would get to hold Cas before he died. [i think u just don't kno him. I am inviting him. He writes awesome notes.]

[w/e... U  just have 2 host and deal with his freak outs then. 6 pm Sunday. K?] Dean texts back an affirmative. Looking back, Castiel seemed a little more afraid than flustered when he left the coffee shop. Dean felt pretty sure that Castiel was just a high strung nerd like Sammy. He remembered dragging Sammy outside to get fresh air whenever the kid got fixated on a report. Maybe he and Cas could duck out of the house sometime to walk around the park by his place. [Awesome. How does 6 pm sunday sound? Bring ur awesome notes and chips or something. Also, abbie is hesitant about u coming due to ur supposed stress. U and i can always take a walk if the studying gets too much. Can i tell u a secret?]

Castiel got the text and was astounded by Dean. Someone told Dean he was crazy but Dean saw it as stress? And he wants to entrust Castiel with information? He was thankful he was in his apartment because he was feeling fat tears run down his face. This was so much, so quickly. [I am aware I am anti-social, but I will be there with pretzels. You may. I will tell you one of mine afterwards to be fair.]

Dean was staring at his phone waiting for Castiel's response while eating his pasta. When he got it, he felt a little jittery but started up the reply without a pause.

[I dropped out of high school when my parents died to raise my bro. College is really scary and stressful for me too.]

Castiel barely finished reading the text. Fat, ugly tears started their descent from his eyes. Dean was so cool and selfless. Castiel lost his parents and shut down. Damocles clawed up Castiel's pants leg to be held. Castiel cried into Damocles' mottled gray Persian fur for a moment. Castiel should never have left the coffee shop the way he did! He tried to think of something to say to Dean that wasn't too over the top. [Wow. You are really incredible Dean. I am so glad to meet you. My secret is similar but more pathetic. My parents died too but I didn't take responsibility like you did. That girl is right. I am crazy. I probably shouldn't be your friend.]

Castiel hid under his blankets crying more. Dr. Louis always told him being honest was healthy and good. That was a filthy lie. He felt so naked now.

Dean nearly choked on his beer when he read Castiel's text. Castiel should totally be his friend! He got his breath back and then called Castiel.

Castiel looked down at his ringing phone with mortification. He didn't get it. Would Dean finally be mean to him? Castiel really didn't want to think of Dean as the bullying type. He nervously tapped the answer button, "H-hello?"

"I don't think you're crazy. When I was your age, I was an angry black hole. I broke more cars than fix them when at work. You’re in college. Wait, what’s your major?”

Castiel choked back the sobs he wanted to let loose. Dean didn’t know just how much he affected Castiel. He wanted to run and find Dean at the same times as turning off his cell phone. “I-I am majoring in engineering. Dean, thank you. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.”

Dean blushed and leaned back on his couch, ”No problemo, amigo. You in mechanical engineering? That’s what I’m majoring in. Sometimes I think I’m in over my head but somehow things click.”

“Oh, um electrical engineering. I wanted something quiet. Unassuming.” Castiel wiped the tears and snot off his face with a kleenex before waving his hand over the motion detector of the trash can. Once the lid slid back, he dropped the kleenex in.

“I think both are quiet. I kinda thought you were studying math or something.” Dean played with his beer bottle label. “Are, are you crying, Cas?” He squeezed his eyes shut hoping he said an okay thing.

Castiel couldn’t hold back a sob, ‘Y-yeah. But I am crying now because no one has given me a nice nickname like you just did.” Castiel blushed and scratched behind Damocles’ ear, “I am not the manliest guy.”

Dean tried hard at first to hold back his laughter, but soon his living room was resonating with it. “Cas, I think any guy has to be 30 or older to be called a man.”

“Fine. But, are you okay with the fact that I get emotional?” Castiel enjoyed the laughter over the phone. He was able to understand that it wasn’t at him. Dean thought that he said amusing things. He smiled down at Damocles who was trying to nibble his finger. Time for dinner. Time for both hands to cook with. But he really wanted to talk to Dean more.

“I might get weird with you being emotional around me in person. Sammy calls me emotionally constipated like all of the time. I just never like chick flick moments. Even before my parents passed, I cried only when injured.” He paused to think when the last time he cried. “I think my eyes got wet when Sam graduated at Stanford, but that’s the only time I can remember crying.”

“Wow. Um, I hate to do this, but I need to cook dinner for Damocles and myself. He’s eating my finger.” Castiel flinched a little at a sharper bite but the persian licked the wound in remorse.

“Who’s Damocles?” Dean stretched out to lay on the couch. He wracked through his mind trying to remember who Damocles was. “Wasn’t that like the Sword of Damocles?”

“Y-yes, my Damocles is a gray persian cat. He was a kitten when my parents passed. He’s a far more reassuring sword for me. Do you know many stories of the antiquity?” Castiel bit his lip. He really needed dinner, but wanted to talk more and more with Dean.

“Uh, yeah actually. I would read them on my breaks at the auto shop when I finished all of the Vonnegut books.” Dean turned on his DVR and started browsing when he heard a little gasp over the line.

“Dean! I want to continue talking, but I need to eat. Can we talk tomorrow?” Castiel tapped his fingers on Damocles. The cat let out a cautionary mrrrr. Castiel mouthed an apology. His nervous habit of tapping was the only thing the persian hated about him.

“Yeah! I would like that. Call me after 5 pm, okay?” Dean chuckled hearing an obviously unhappy cat in the background,  “Get off the phone now and feed the beast before he eats you.”

“Yes, I think that is a good plan. I will talk to you then. Thank you, Dean. You are amazing.” Castiel quickly hung up. That might’ve been too much. But being honest at that time didn’t feel quite so filthy. It felt really nice, actually. He got up to make a sandwich and heat some fish for Damocles.

Dean was stunned by how Castiel ended the phone call. Castiel had an uncanny ability to do that to Dean. He shrugged it off and chose a special on Greek philosophers on the History Channel to watch. As it was loading, he sent one last text to Castiel for the night.

[Secret agent, u have a mission: watch the greek philosopher special on history channel. i wanna talk 2 u about it tmrw. :)]


	6. Day 4.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean  
> talking on the phone.  
> F-L-I-R-T-I-N-G.  
> First comes quilting.  
> Then comes philosophy,  
> and then comes the whump.  
> (⊙︿⊙✿)

Castiel was nervously reorganizing his notes from the documentary on Socratic philosophers. He didn’t really know what Dean intended with the text, so Castiel did what he did best. All four pages were then gently paper clipped and placed on his coffee table. He had no idea when Dean would call. That was the most unnerving thing. He turned the ringer on his phone on full before curling up with Othello in bed.

The next three hours were calm and focused. He always loved how authors, ancient or modern, could take his hand and walk him through worlds and experiences he will never have in this lifetime. He accepted that he will never be an object of desire like Desdemona. Someone who could insight such passions such as murder, lust, and deception. The logical part of his mind was thankful he didn’t. He already experienced tragedy and doesn’t want anymore. It was more the thought, the knowledge of someone willing to commit such acts for his favor that got him warm and fuzzy.

As he finished the concluding scene, it was already 4 pm. He pouted at his phone. Hopefully Dean was at work and hadn’t forgotten about him. Castiel bit his lip trying to quell the fear of abandonment. He got up and made some tea. Damocles was sleeping peacefully on his special quilted fish pillow. Castiel’s sister, Anna, taught him how to sew once his parents passed. She hoped it would get him through the grief. Instead he became lost in his sorrow and lots of quilts. The fabric store was the only place he would venture out to on a weekly basis as a teen.

Daphne, the granddaughter of Lottie, would always be there to exchange fabric for the quilt he made with the previous week’s supply of fabric. Anna had negotiated the barter deal since Castiel would panic severely when it came to the acquisition and relinquish of money. Daphne would always try to start up a conversation with him when he visited. Whenever he would reply, she would smile and lean over the counter as he talked. He was glad the counter was in the way. If he wasn’t a mess, he would certainly ask her out. But things were the way they were. Sometimes he would ask her what she wanted him to make. He allowed himself the small pleasure of presenting her hand sewn clothes made from the complex patterns she snuck between the fat quarters of fabric.

Right now, he was analyzing a Vintage Vogue [pattern](http://voguepatterns.mccall.com/v2401-products-249.php?page_id=850) Daphne had slipped him in some camel hued satin and two yards of navy silk. He smiled into his mug at the little scrawl of Daphne’s writing. This reminded me of your trenchcoat. Seamed like a good quilting outfit! ;D He found her puns endearing, though he doesn’t see how a retro dress that chameleons itself as a trenchcoat would be appropriate. But the more he looked at it, he could see himself in it. He shrugged and took out a tape measurer to reconfirm his measurements.

Suddenly Beethoven's Ode to Joy blasted to life in his bedroom. Damocles howled awake and Castiel screamed. He then remembered Dean and ran to his bedroom while Damocles dashed past his legs to get away from the sound. Castiel answered the phone panting hard, “H-Hello, Dean. H-how are you?”

Dean was startled to say the least hearing Castiel out of breath. His mind started to go places, as usual. “Hey, Cas. What were you just doing?”

“Measuring myself.”

Dean bit his lip. He had gotten used to how sex crazed young college students were. And it sounded like Castiel wasn’t so out of the norm. “Oh, really now? How long are you?”

“My inseam is 34 inches last time I checked. I was measuring my sleeve length before my phone rang.” Castiel answered without censor. He froze. Would Dean be okay that he didn’t get his hands dirty? That he preferred fabric over metal. They really were such different people.

“Woah, are you getting new clothes?” Dean was embarrassed that he tried to make the conversation dirty. Good thing Castiel was oblivious. He then started to imagine Castiel getting fitted for a suit. He had great features for a dark navy suit.

“Oh, um,” Castiel paused and thought hard before answering with his heart. He whispered into the phone, “Can I tell you another secret?”

“Are you really a secret agent?” Dean chuckled. “Sure, man. Go ahead.”

“I-I sew and quilt,” Castiel held his breath bracing for the older man’s reaction.

Dean went silent. That was not at all what he expected. But so far, Cas has surprised him four to zero. “Are you any good?”

“Am, am I any good? My quilts and clothing are sold at Allens! It’s the closest thing to a job I’ve ever been able to manage!” Castiel started to tear up at the thought of how pathetic of a worker he was compared to Dean. Dean was able to support two people on his own!

“Dude? Cas? Calm down. I thought it was a hobby. That sounds pretty awesome actually. Have I seen you wear anything you’ve made so far?” Dean waited for Castiel’s breathing to even out before exhaling his.

“Yes, you have. Sorry for reacting like that. Aside from Daphne, Lottie, and Anna, you’re the only other person who knows I do that. The clothes and quilts are sold under the name Emmanuel.” Castiel blushed.

“Watch out Chanel!” Dean laughed and grinned when he heard Castiel chuckle shyly over the phone. “So, what did you think of that special last night? The part about Xenophanes was bomb.”

Castiel made a sound of agreement while he rushed back to the living room where Damocles was napping on the couch. “Yes. His observation on how groups perceive their deities is quite profound.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know that there were some greeks who believed in one God,” Dean replied. He had another long day at the shop and was unwinding out in his backyard on the grass. He heard a rustle of papers over the phone. He was confused at first, but soon realized that Cas probably wrote notes. “Dude, what do your notes say?”

“H-how did you know I wrote notes?” Castiel didn’t squawk out and look around for Dean’s disembodied head. He blushed but felt good when Dean laughed deeply.

“I heard the paper rustle, Cas.”

“Oh, okay.” Castiel continued skimming through his notes. “So, how much of the material did you already know about, Dean?”

“Uh, I only really knew about Plato, Socrates, and Pythagorean.”

“Pythagoras,” Castiel interrupted and quickly followed with an apology.

“Nah, dude. Thanks. It’s all greek to me.” Dean grinned while Castiel sighed at the horrible joke. “Who’s your favorite from those three?”

Castiel was a bit unprepared. He thought they were going to be discussing facts, not opinions. He ended up setting down the notes while he explained why Plato was his favorite. Dean actively listened to Castiel ramble on about The Republic and the Dialogues. The way Castiel would recite passages showed the passion he tried so hard to control. Dean couldn’t help but see the guy is awesome. By the end of the fifteens minutes of Castiel talking with hardly any pause, Dean knew he had to get Cas over his issues. He didn’t really know how, but maybe visiting Allens tomorrow would be a start.

“Oh, I talked for a while. I am sorry.” Castiel found himself blushing yet again. He tapped lightly on the armrest.

“Cas, everytime you say sorry to me when it ain’t necessary, I get to do something,” Dean paused and couldn’t help but lower his voice, “to you.”

Castiel’s eyebrows went sky high, “Oh...” He didn’t know how to respond other than that. Did Dean just flirt with him? “Oh.” He heard Dean chuckle in a way that made his heart speed up. “Oh!”

Dean was trying his hardest not to laugh as he heard Castiel realize his intentions. Cas’ ‘Oh’s were innocently arousing to Dean. He wasn’t one to romance the innocent types, but Castiel was more genuine than pure. “Is that okay, Castiel?”

Castiel bit his lip. Dean didn’t specify what he would do if Castiel repeated an unnecessary apology. Dean’s allure stomped out Castiel’s fear of the unknown this time. “Yes, Dean. I accept.”

Dean grinned and kept his voice deep to test the waters some more, “Awesome. So, should I expect you still around 6 at my place on Sunday?”

“Yes, but could you send me the address?” Castiel didn’t notice Dean’s change of voice, he was more focused on writing the address correctly as Dean recited it. “Thank you, Dean. That isn’t really far from my place.”

“Really? Aren’t you in a dorm?” Dean realized after asking that Castiel wouldn’t be in a dorm due to his issues. “Wait, sorry dude. I just had a dumb blonde moment. Ignore that.”

Castiel was thankful for the apology, but since Dean just flirted, could he flirt back? “Dean, that was an unnecessary apology. What do I get to do to you as payback?”

Dean frowned a little for a moment before connecting the dots. Cas just tried to intentionally flirt with him. It was very cute, though sounded more like a threat. Good thing Castiel was going to learn from the master. “Well, I don’t learn my lessons when spanked. I tend to be a glutton for punishment.” He heard a small gasp and continued on a far more tame path, “How about I cook for you? I make a mean cheeseburger on the grill. Come by around 5:30 instead of 6?”

Castiel was feeling claustrophobic in his clothes at the thought of spanking Dean. It was so dirty and mean. He shook his head quickly as ‘Sexy’ appeared as well. Thankfully Dean didn’t continue. “Uh, I am really picky with my food. I love cheeseburgers, but I will text you the way I prefer them prepared.”

Dean nodded before realizing that he was on the phone, “Yes, I can do that for you.”

They settled into a light hearted chat about the material in the sociology class Castiel missed the other day. Castiel even ate his soup on the phone. Something he never did before. They ended up hanging up once Dean fell asleep on Castiel. Castiel listened to soft snores on the other end for as long as he could. He never heard snoring that wasn’t his own before. His thoughts started to wander to that dream he had. But this time, it was him waking up Dean. He imagined Dean frowning softly trying to roll away from him to continue his slumber. Castiel would whisper the older man’s name against his ear. Castiel ran his fingers along the shell of his free ear. Thinking of more torrid actions, he allowed his hand to rest down on his lap. He realized that his interest in Dean was far more than platonic. He hung up the phone and stared out ahead of him. He was becoming Desdemona.

“Fuck,” He felt his body become catatonic.

Anna found him still as a statue the next afternoon in his own filth and tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is why I can't have nice things.... (●﹏●✿)"  
> Next chapter is going to be a little sweet thing. GO READ IT NOW.


	7. First kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was my [muse](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=AJJ7xJ22mC8#t=218s)

Dean allowed Cas to take the initiative. Castiel leaned towards Dean slowly before completely resting his head on his shoulder. They shared a quick glance before turning back to the TV. He slipped his arm over Cas’ shoulder and gently stroked the shell of his ear. Castiel turned his head more to muffle his gasp into Dean’s (sweaty) side. He was then enveloped by the older man’s scent of cheap detergent, after shave, sweat, and metallic fumes of cars. Castiel trembled as his mind raced incoherently. He attempted to turn off the radio noise by tapping against Dean’s chest. Dean rested his head over Castiel’s and breathed in the scent of the vanilla chai hand sanitizer and apple scented laundry detergent that Dean can’t ever disassociate from the guy in his arms. He grinned into the baby soft black hair when he felt the tapping. He responded back by tapping the pitter patter of Ramble On. Castiel calmed down and started tapping the base notes in time. Their fingers settled still after a minute or two as they watched a scientist explaining the importance of carbon dating on the TV.

A small urge blooms in Castiel during the next commercial break. Dean feels him shift in his hold, “Something amiss, hon’?”

“Not really. This is really nice, Dean.” Castiel smiled shyly leaning closer to Dean’s ear. “May I kiss you?”

Dean let out a sound Castiel couldn’t quite decipher while nodding enthusiastically. Castiel waited until Dean went still before placing his lips over Dean’s. He didn’t think of the germs, the remnants of Dean’s previous meal, the breath stuttered against his skin, or the hands enveloping him closer to body heat. His hypothesis of kissing was shattered.

He lost himself in the tender volition of Dean’s lips against his own. Their teeth clicked awkwardly on occasion and Castiel felt like his lips flapped a bit. But when Dean pulled away, he didn’t saw anything of criticism, “That was awesome, Cas. I’m proud to see a sex kitten lives in there.”

Castiel responded by having his second ever kiss. And then his third. Then fourth. Dean took it all with a mutual passion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kisses are my sex, yo.


End file.
